Apostates In Love
by Frimia Thorson
Summary: Rinamir Hawke comes to Kirkwall to seek refuge from the Blight, little does she know she will find a caring man who is just like her: An Apostate. Will her fear of the Templars breaking up her family keep her away from the love of her life? Anders and Lady Hawke


_Apostates In Love_

I look above the ragged doorway at the dimly lit lantern and the words of Lirene, the woman giving everything she can to help the poor souls fleeing the blight, echo within my head. "Go to Darktown and look for the lit lantern, if you have need enough Anders will be within."

Sighing, I push open the door and it gives a heavy creak in response. I look on with curiousity at the sight that lies before me. A young man with golden blonde hair falling to his shoulders wearing teal-grey mage robes concentrates hard on a small boy that lay unconscious on a table. He breathes deep and his hands glow with a bright blue serenity that fills the boy with utter life.

Worried parents hurry to the boy, wrapping their arms around him as the man falls back onto the wall behind them, obviously exhausted. They mutter their thanks and he nods with a faint smile. I slowly make my way into the run-down room and I'm dimly aware of the faint smell of ale and sickness radiating from outside that clashes with the herbal scents of the healer's clinic.

Suddenly, the man I presume to be called Anders, grabs his staff and threatningly turns to my companions and me and demands, "I have made this a place of sanctum and healing. Why do you threaten it?" His voice is hollow and has an eeire sense that I cannot find the origin of.

I hold my hands up to him in surrender and say as calmly as I can, "I'm only here to talk."

"We're looking to get into the Deep Roads; rumour has it you have maps of the depths in this area," Varric pipes up from behind me.

"So that's it, is it? The Wardens sent you to bring me back? Well, I'm not going. Those bastards made me get rid of my cat. Poor Ser Pounce-A-Lot."

I raise my eyebrow in suspicion and stifle back a laugh. "You had a cat...named Ser Pounce-A-Lot..in the deep roads?" I question it's absurdity.

"He was a gift; a noble beast. Almost got ripped in half by a genlock once; swatted the buggart on the nose, drew blood too! The blighted wardens said they made me too soft. I had to give him to a friend in Amaranthine."

I laugh softly. "It's good to know all you Wardens aren't deadly serious all the time then, huh?"

He smiles and then looks down. "Although...a favor for a favor." His golden-red eyes light up thoughtfully.

"If you can help my expedition reach the Deep Roads, I'll do anything."

"You don't ask for my terms," he states, eyeing me, then my companions. "What if I asked for the Knight-Commander's head on a spike?"

"Is that what you want?" I question, not able to tell if this man is truly asking me for the Knight-Commander's head.

The trace of a smile dances on his mouth. "You decide."

I smile back. "So what is this favor you want?"

"I came to Kirkwall to aid a friend. A mage. Help me free him from the Templars and my maps are yours."

I see the desperation in this Apostate's eyes. The need for freedom, for survival. I recognize that need. Glancing in Varric's direction and seeing him shrug his broad shoulders I look dead into Anders' eyes and put my hand on his strong shoulder. "I would gladly help any mage in this situation, maps or no."

"I am glad to hear that," he whispers. "Meet me in the Chantry after nightfall."

"I'll be there." He goes to turn away and I laugh slightly. "My name is Hawke, by the way. Rinamir Hawke."

"Anders," he smiles, reaching out a pale hand.

I take it gladly and give it a slight squeeze. "I'll see you tonight...Anders." I slip my hand from his and glide out the door with Anders staring after me.

_Outside the Chantry_

I start up the steps of the Chantry with Merril and Varric in tow. As Merril chats light-heartedly with Varric I focus my attention on the solid silouhette standing just outside the grand Chantry door. I am on guard, even though I know it's Anders waiting for me to save his mage-friend.

"Hello again, Anders," I say as I approach the threatening door that looms over me.

"I've kept watch. Karl should be inside. Are you ready, Hawke?" he asks ominously, ignoring my greeting.

"I am." I shoot my companions a questioning glance.

"We're good, Hawke," Varric assures me in response.

"Let's go then. When we find Karl, let me talk to him," Anders says as we follow him into the Chantry.

_The Tranquil Mage_

"Anders, what did you do? It's like a piece of the Fade is inside of you. I-I never thought I'd feel it again," Karl says with tears in his eyes.

I put my staff securely on my back and wipe some blood from one of the unfourtante Templars we just took down off my face. "You know that' a good question, Anders. What DID you do? Uh, not the Fade part, but the angry-glowing-part," I half-joke, half-wonder.

Anders shoots me an angry scowl and ignores my question. I'm taken aback. "Kill me before the feeling leaves," Karl pleads desperately.

"I would rather die than be made tranquil Anders...please spare him," I add sincerely.

He turns from his friend and nods his head defeatedly. "Yes," he whispers.

"Hurry, Anders. It...it is fading," Karl screams, panicked. His face goes peaceful once more and he questions innocently, "Anders, why are you looking at me like that?"

I see Anders' face crumble and I know inside his heart is breaking for his tranquil friend. He says not a word, as he pulls out an intricate silver dagger from his belt and shoves it into Karl's chest. He lets his friend slide to the stone floor with a muffled _thump_.

"Let's leave before more Templars show up," he mumbles, pushing past me without so much as a sideway glance.

"That was...interesting." Varric comes up beside me, putting Bianca away. "Do you know what any of that was about?"

"I don't know," I say, looking at the back of Anders' blonde head retreating toward the door. "But I'm going to find out."

I start down the steps and hurry out after him.

_Only More Questions_

"Anders," I call to his back. He ignores me, and continues tending to the firelace. "Anders!" Still, I get no reaction. I storm forward and put my hand on his shoulder and spin him around to face me. "Look, I'm not angry. I just..I want to know what happened at the Chantry last night."

"You SAW what happened," he retorts.

"Yes, I did," I say, calmly and softly. "Anders," I whisper as he turns around again. "Please don't tell me you're an abomination, because if you are, well I'll have to cut your head off and give it to the Templars," I laugh.

His shoulders become less tense and he turns back again to face me. "I'm sorry, Hawke. I should've told you sooner. I took in a spirit of justice. He realized the injustice mages in Thedas face everyday and he wanted to help. I figured..a friend..a willing host, it would be better than playing the demon and haunting some corpse."

"You don't seem like an abomination though. So it isn't a demon?" I look at him curiously.

"It's a spirit. Not a demon. It isn't like I hear his voice in my head or anything. Justice and I are one." He looks into the fire longingly. "Maybe it was wrong for me to do it. A horrible mistake. But," - he sighs - "what's done, is done."

"Well, then, that explains the whole, sexy-tortured look."

He laughs whole-heartedly. "Hawke, you are something. I had never thought to find a woman who would look past what I just said. My maps are yours," he pauses, looking down at me with caring eyes filled with an inner rage that burn like a fire inside him. "As am I," he whispers softly.

_The Deep Roads_

"I..don't think I can go on..any further," Carver croaks from behind us. I turn to find him collapsing to the ground.

"Carver!" I scream, catching him just in time. His face is so pale with dark veins of the taint snaking their way all over him. "Carver," I squeak out.

"It's..the taint isn't it? Just like that Templar, Wesley."

"Why..didn't you say something, Carver?" I stroke his dark hair. "That's just like you to keep this to yourself."

He laughs morbidly, then goes into a coughing fit. "Anders," I plead. "Is there anything you can do." My eyes began to fill with tears of guilt. _My god, we're not going to be able to save him and it'll be all my fault! Mother, oh Mother-_

"Actually," Anders' voice breaks my thoughts. "I stole the maps from a Grey Warden. I wanted to see if he was following me-uh, he wasn't and-"

"Where are you going with this, Blondie?" Varric interupts, glancing nervously at Carver and me.

"My original point was, there were a group of Grey Wardens planning an expedition into the Deep Roads as well, and if I'm right, they aren't far from here."

"Could they save him?" I ask.

"They don't take recruits out of pity, but Carver is skilled. They should be able to, yes," Anders replies, putting his hand on my shoulder.

"Let's go. We have no time to waste," Varric states as he readies Bianca. Anders takes the lead and I fall in behind them both with Carver resting against my side.

"This never would've happened if that good-for-nothing brother of mine wouldn't have betrayed us. I swear I'll find that son of a-" Varric rants as he continues down the tunnel.

"Thank Anders for me, will you...sister?" Carver whispers faintly as I set him down so I can fight the rapidly-approaching darkspawn.

"Thank him yourself," I encourage as I give his hand a squeeze.

He tries to smile, but it comes out as a smirk that looks out of place on his tainted face.

_The Wardens_

"Anders?" a gruff man calls as him and a league of warriors approach us.

"Oh, uh, hello.." Anders says nervously, securing his staff onto his back.

"I thought you gave up fighting darkspawn?" he questions, looking around at the darkspawn corpses littering the ground.

"I did. I'm on an expedition. Look, I sought you out because..well, Hawke," he calls for me. I bring Carver over and lay him at the Grey Wardens feet.

"Anders," the man sighs. "You know we don't take recruits out of pity."

"I know. But trust me when I say this one is worth it. He's talented."

I look up at the Grey Wardens with pleading eyes. "You'll meet no equal with a blade," I add.

The man sighs again. "Fine, fine. I'm trusting you Anders." - He turns to his men - "Come on. We'll have to make double-time if we're to reach the surface."

Anders turns, wrapping his arm around me and I know he sees I'm about to collapse where I stand.

"Goodbye, Sister," Carver groans as the Wardens lead him away to his new life.

_After The Expedition and Many Months Later_

"Hawke.." Anders stands to greet me.

"Hello, Anders," I give a timid smile and look around his quaint little clinic. "I, uh, came by to thank you. I never did, you know? Carver...asked me to thank you. And I never did."

"It's okay, Hawke. I understand."

"It's just..." - I sigh - "I don't know how to say this."

"Say what?" his eyes delve into mine and make my heart melt into a puddle at his feet.

"I-I care about you Anders...quite a bit," I stutter. I look down at the floor. _This is stupid. Why am I doing this?_

"Hawke, I didn't know you felt that way." He cups his hand under my chin and makes me look into those golden-red eyes.

"Kiss me," I whisper hurriedly.

He presses his mouth against mine and wraps his strong arms around my waist. I remember those arms. Those arms that steadied me as they took my brother away. He pulls away unexpectedly.

"Hawke, I am an Apostate and I might as well be an abomination. I will only hurt you." He turns away from me once more, but I grab his arm tightly.

"I don't care Anders. I'm an Apostate. And i still..I love you."

He sighs. "I will come to you tonight. If your door is shut, I will know you took my warning at last."

_"This is the rule I will most cherish breaking.."_

I tie my robe around my waist and sit down on the bed with a heavy sigh. _Anders, where are you?_

Beginning to think I fooled myself, I lay back onto the bed and shut my eyes tightly. "Hawke?" a voice calls from my door.

I sit up quickly and see Anders standing akwardly in the doorway. I laugh and get up to greet him. "I was about to send a search party after you," I joke.

He smiles and comes to me. "You know, Justice does not approve of my obsession with you. He thinks you are a distraction."

"Aww, I'm hurt Justice. And here I thought we were all getting along so well," I smirk.

"In the circle, we dared not fall in love," - he stops to push a stray piece of hair behind my ear lovingly - "It gave the Templars too much power over us if you had something you could not stand to lose." His hand slides around my back and grips me tightly and he leans in to kiss me and whispers, "This is the rule I will most cherish breaking."

He unties my robe and pushes me back onto the bed as he kisses me as if he will never have another chance to do so.

_Hungry?_

I slide my robe back on and get up off the bed to join Anders by the fireplace. I come up and wrap my arms around him from behind and he turns and pulls me close.

"I love you. I've been holding back from saying that for three years, Hawke."

I smile up at him and ask, innocently, "Are you hungry? Would you like a sandwhich?"

He laughs and kisses my forehead. "You will be an inspiration to romantic poets everywhere."

I hate to bring this up now, but I feel as though I have to. I breathe deep and say, "Anders, I've been meaning to talk to you...about the Templars."

"Oh, yeah.." He fiddles with a stray string on the sleeve of my robe.

"You need a safe place to stay. You can always stay here..you know, if you want."

"Thank you, Hawke." He kisses my lips once more and I rest in his arms as though **it** were the safest place on Earth.

_The Chance of Compromise_

As Meredith and Orsino argue over Maker-knows-what I turn to Anders who has a grim look on his face. "Anders...are you okay?" I ask. "You look as though you're going to be sick."

He smiles down at me. "I'm fine, love." He wraps an arm around my waist and kisses my forehead. "I'm sorry..." his voice trails off into nothing as a defeaning _boom_ fills the air. We're all knocked to the ground. I look up in horror at the Chantry exploding into thousands of pieces as the screams of the innocents inside float to my ears.

"By the Maker-" Meredith swears.

"What...what have you done?" I stare up at Anders, who is now standing above the rest of us.

"YOU did this?" Orsino points at Anders.

"It had to be done, Orsino!"

"What have you done!" I scream.

"I removed the chance of compromise because there is no compromise. There can be no peace."

I gape at him. _How could he go behind my back? How could he do such a thing?_

"So it is decided. The Chantry has been destroyed; the Grand Cleric, murdered...by a _mage_. Call for the Right of Annulment."

"You're going to slaughter the whole Circle!" Orsino screams. "This mage isn't even a part of the Circle!" He, again, points to Anders who has now taken a seat on a crate with his back to everyone.

"It has to be done, Orsino. And I demand that you," - she turns to me - "Champion. Take our side."

I look to Anders. "I can't, Meredith. I am a mage as well as they are. I cannot help you."

"Then I order that you be killed along with your companions!"

The Templars attack us at will and the mages and I fight them off easily. The survivors retreat back to The Gallows.

Orsino turns to me. "Thank you, Champion. And as for your...friend, I will leave him in your care. It is your decision what is to be done with him." He gives one last pitiful look at Anders and shakes his head slowly. "Meet us in The Gallows; there will be bloodshed."

I sigh and take a seat next to Anders on the crate. "You can kill me now," Anders tells me.

"I am not going to..kill you," I sigh and shake my head defeatedly. "Why? Why didn't you tell me?" I choke out.

"I couldn't risk you getting hurt, Hawke." He still stares off into the distance.

"Anders, come with us. Fight the Templars. You started this war, it's time to finish it."

"Come with you?" He looks up at me, his eyes lighting up.

"Yes."

He hugs me gratefully and I kiss his cheek.

"Come on, Blondie. Let's see how many more people you can manage to kill," Varric says, slinging Bianca over his shoulder.

_Many Abominations and Templars Later_

"With me, you'll be hunted. Hated," Anders spits the word 'hated' because he _knows_ what it is to be hated.

"I love you, Anders. And I will follow you. Into death...and beyond."

He smiles and kisses me gently. "Come, we have some Templars to kill."

_After defeating Meredith and retreating out of The Gallows, Anders and Rinamir did go on the run. They stayed together no matter what. Their love was stronger than any Templar, or law, that may try to seperate them. "One day someone like me, will love someone like you...and there will be no Templars to tear them apart." -Anders_


End file.
